October 24th, 2022

Two Cemeteries and a Wedding

One of my oldest friends got married yesterday and I was delighted to stand for her. The whole run-up to the wedding–meeting everyone, planning the bridal tea, any tiny conversation I got to have about it–have been a real dream. I get that long-married people can be kind of a drag about “why don’t you want to get marrieeeeeeed???” and I try never to do that–there are so many ways to have an excellent life and marriage is going to be a big problem (imho) for anyone who doesn’t enter into it not just willingly but thrillingly. But I personally love being married so much and it has been an excellent experience for me personally, so I can’t help but be overjoyed when I see people I care about choosing this path as well.

Yesterday was the warmest, sunniest October day maybe ever. Mark said he read a headline that the fall leaves are extra bright and colourful this year but didn’t read the article so why don’t know why–but that certainly tracks with our drive down from Toronto to my hometown. It took just under two hours with traffic, but we left four hours just in case (it’s a WEDDING, plus we don’t rent cars very often) so went out to lunch at Dennigers, my parents old favourite German food place, and then went to the cemetery to see my dad. The big municipal cemetery looked spacious and gorgeous under the bright sun–there’s still wide open areas with no occupants–and I felt so wildly happy running across the grass to get some water for the flowers, thinking of the miserable muddy February of his funeral and how far we’ve come. When I got back, I announced to the stone monument, “J is getting married today,” because I knew he would have been happy to hear it, and then promptly felt the sting of tears. How strange it is to be so old, and not live in that town anymore, and not to have my father alive. I don’t think I will ever stop being surprised.

We went to the church, and were still very early so we went around back to yet another cemetery. Mark and I walk in old churchyards all the time–we like the history and to gather stories from the inscriptions and we just find them peaceful. This was a lovely old churchyard with flame-bright maples and some stones going back before 1900, but it was pretty much the only one I’ve been to where I kept coming across people I knew, including one old friend of the family who I hadn’t known had died. It was very a melancholy walk. Sometimes I feel pretty disconnected from my hometown but really, I lived there a long time and knew a lot of people.

By the time my friend M and her family arrived, I was really really ready for some fun society, so we went in and got dressed and put on makeup and ran around trying to find everything and everyone. This was the church of my youth, the one at the foot of my road that many of my friends went to–we always went to the spaghetti dinners there and yard sales, our 4-H meetings were there and my piano recitals–I did everything there but actual worship. There is now a lovely modern addition but the main part of the church and the basement looked just as I recalled. I even sat where I remembered for spaghetti suppers and felt there should be pie. And that I should be there with my parents.

The wedding was SO WONDERFUL. I just felt so HAPPY for their happiness. J was as kind and thoughtful as she always is but I could tell she was nervous until the vows were said and the rings were on and then, when we were signing the registry and she could stand chatting and joking with her HUSBAND they were both light as air–that felt so right. The service was really good and interesting too–it was the kind where the family and friends have to voice their “I do”s to the idea of the couple getting married too–making explicit the idea that the wedding is about a couple as a part of larger community. I love that and I think it’s so valuable. It’s something I’ve really valued in my marriage and my community and hope to contribute to all my friends, married and otherwise.

I was in many many photos under a beautiful tree, and saw my old piano teacher who played for the service, and the wedding cake was banana cake, a little baby wearing tulle was super cute and mad, I chatted with the bride’s brother who I hadn’t seen in a billion years and is just a fascinating person and I think I later saw moonwalking, and I just had the BEST TIME. The caterers brought too much food so they gave us all leftovers and I didn’t have to cook dinner tonight either and my attendant gift was pickles and preserves made by the bride herself, and traffic back into the city was absolutely outrageous for so late at night, but nothing could extinguish my glow. Sometimes I really wonder, what is this life? How are we doing this? I mean, what?? But aren’t we so lucky, too? I mean, incredibly??