May 11th, 2020

Pandemic Diary VI: April 21 to April 30

Day 40. Just watching the weather cycle between sun and blizzard through my office window. One weird pandemic lockdown side-effect that I do not like is that I am sore all the time from hunching over my laptop screen all workday and much of the evening. My shoulders hurt, my forearms hurt, my neck hurts–I do not like it. I’m not usually very delicate over this sort of thing, but this is too many hours in the same position.

I think my chair is ok, and it’s just that the laptop is too low and too small, but I’m willing to take feedback. I’m used to big monitors on proper stands at work. I’ll probably wind up propping it up on a box for the short-term, but if someone would like to recommend a product to sort things out, I’m open to buying something. The desk itself is nice but old-school–no keyboard tray or anything.

Little other news. Or rather, there is other news but most of it is other problems I am having and how much of that can you put up with, really? Hmmm…I was excited earlier because I thought Evan ate a little piece of kale but then he spat it out. I’ve been reading a short story collection that’s pretty good and then one towards the end is…erotica? Surprise! It’s a wonder more authors haven’t thought of that!

(2) One of my pandemic projects is to wash and wear my whole scarf collections. I’m mainly taking on projects at this time based on easiness, but I’ve had some scarf problems based on dyes running when they are washed! This is my very favourite, my mom’s Liberty print butterfly scarf, but I’m worried the bright colours in the cream ground spell dye-running troubles. So I’m just enjoying it unwashed for now—please let me know if you have tips! #libertyprint #nofilter #butterfly #scarvesofinstagram @ Toronto, Ontario

(3) This spring was probably the season I had the most tickets to stuff ever–I was really excited about being out and seeing so much cool stuff. All cancelled now, of course, and I’m embroiled in trying to figure out refunds, and it’s breaking my heart. In general, I just wanted my money back and to start all over post-pandemic trying to figure out my life and what I can afford to do in the Great After, but it actually can’t work like that. Theatre, music, and dance companies who have already paid their performers don’t have the money to give me–someone on the phone today asked me if I’d like to reserve tickets a year from now, and when I said I couldn’t be sure of my plans in a year, and could I just get the refund, admitted they simply wouldn’t have the cash flow until October. I took the 2021 tickets–where will we be then? Immune–perhaps there will be a great vaccine and we’ll all be immune. I certainly hope so, because I will have a lot of shows to go to.

Day 41: I could not get it together to shower before work so I had to take a lunch-hour shower, is how day 41 is going for me. Mark wanted to go for a lunch-walk but I didn’t have pants on yet so had to decline. I have pants on now, fyi.

I think we have reached the nadir of my coping skills. To be clear, nothing terrible has happened but a few mildly bad things have and I just had no emotional resources left to deal with them. In general I have limited patience with the whole introvert/extrovert binary, but there is some truth to the idea that I draw energy from interacting with other people. No other people = no energy. Aside from following Mark around like a vampire, watching Brooklyn 99, and organizing my scarves, I no longer wish to do things. I still CAN do things, so it’s not as bad as it might be, but I really don’t want to.

Do we predict I arise, phoenix-like, from this situation with more self-sufficiency and resilience? Stay tuned for week seven, starting on Friday, to see if I grow as a person or if Mark takes to wearing earphones during meals.

Day 42: I found an actual long-lost relative via 23andme! Someone my immediate family knew and liked 50 years ago but lost track of, and I have never met! It’s not just for data-mining after all! I am so excited–this is the highlight of the pandemic for me!

(2) After yesterday’s emotional collapse, I knew I needed a change of pace (at the end of the day, the VP of my work department let us know she’d been to the office to check the mail and she’d also watered the plants, and she included a list of plants she was concerned about. I almost burst into tears, both at her thoughtfulness, and because Mr. Planty isn’t dead.) So today, instead of indoor morning exercise, I went for a walk as soon as I got up and it was SO HELPFUL. I’m embarrassed that I didn’t think of this sometime earlier in the past six weeks, but it was much easier to social distance at dawn (also probably helpful that it was ONE DEGREE!) Because the streets were so empty, I ventured right into the heart of downtown and it was fascinating–I’ll post some photos later. Living as i do in a neighbourhood where many people still have to go to work, and right between a grocery store and a drug store, sometimes if I squint I can’t see the difference on the street between now and The Great Before–but in Yonge and Dundas Square, I really could. I was also pretty surprised at how tired I was at walking for just over an hour, indicating that my attempts at at-home exercise are failing me. More efforts are needed. Hopefully it won’t be one degree forever.

(3) I took an early morning walk and it was so unpopulated I went all the way downtown. Wild to see the city of my heart so empty, heartbreaking to see people sleeping rough all alone on the empty sidewalks, but profoundly empowering to walk on these streets again. I missed them. #the6ix #toronto #pandemic @ Toronto, Ontario

Day 43, medical edition. So various things going wrong around here have led to increased knowledge. I thought that during the Covidity you basically couldn’t do anything that wasn’t 100% do-or-die but it turns out you can! Let my misfortunes inform you, in case you too might encounter misfortunes during the Covidity. Here’s what I learned:

–you can contact your family doctor and specialists and ask for a phone or video visit. Obviously not every single one, but many are fine with this and easy to book with. I was able to get a visit in a day or two both times. I don’t honestly know what happens if your condition requires hands-on examination–anyone?
–this was true pre-pandemic as well, but if you run out of prescription refills the pharmacy will often fax your doctor if you ask and get them to extend the prescription. Helpful if you have a hard time getting in touch with your doctor or just need the medications asap.
–you can still get a blood test at most labs now, though you have to book an appointment instead of doing drop in and they really appreciate it if you wear a mask
–calling the emergency line at your dentists office is neither like calling 911 nor like calling a strange dentist’s office where they don’t care about you, which were my two fears. Our experience was that you could explain your problem and ask what you should do, and someone who knew what they were talking about would advise.
–you can go to the emergency dentist and it’s pretty straightforward but our experience was that a) it’s drop-in, so you have to wait, b) no one can come in with you, even in the waiting room, and c) they don’t file insurance so you have to be able to put the charges on a credit card up front and then file it yourself. Also there are several emergency dentists operating in the city but not all of them do everything. If you have a weird or severe problem, you might have to go pretty far (like Richmond Hill).
–I really don’t know what happened with urgent care, because the clinics near me are certainly closed, but some people don’t have family doctors and some people are just sick right now! With something other than Covid! What happens to those people? Anyone know?

I really hope everyone reading this is doing amazing and doesn’t need any kind of medical or dental help, but I always find it kind of reassuring to know what’s available *just in case*, you know? And in case you’re reading all of this and wondering if I’m still standing, I’m totally fine–it’s just my standard list of chronic ailments being really ill-timed and annoying. (And it was my mom who went to the dentist and I borrowed her experience for your edification.) Take care–happy weekend!

Day 44: Something amazing happened: the world’s nicest in-laws lent us their car and we went somewhere other than St James Town!! It had been an actual month since I’d been in a vehicle and I was just agog with joy! And it was glorious to go for a walk somewhere where a bit greener and much easier to distance from others. We barely saw anyone!! (Still ate lunch in the car just in case!!) not pictured: the bajillion groceries from a different far-away store!!! Greatest day!!! #nofilter #spring #pandemic #car #hooray @ Niagara-On-The-Lake, Ontario

Day 45: Last car adventure before we give it back—it is as rainy and cool, but still glorious to go for an early morning walk in the Beaches. We even ran into a friend and had a distanced chat! And drive thru breakfast! Given the chance to choose where to go, I will always choose water. #beach #nofilter #the6ix @ The Beaches

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I had a really lovely weekend! Draft Reading Series this afternoon via Zoom, then a cooking lesson video chat with Marie Sampson Butler. This morning we got to drive down to the Beaches in Kurt Sampson and Gaelan Varn-Sampson‘s car, stroll around on the boardwalk in the rain (which made for lots of space for walking) and even chat for a moment from an appropriate distance with an old colleague of Mark’s we ran into. And last night I talked on the phone with my long-lost cousin, who turned out to be very kind and also very well-informed about family history. Imagine always wanting to know certain things your whole life and then just…finding out. And of course she’d always known all this stuff so it didn’t even feel like a big deal to her–I barely got a chance to thank her properly before she was on to the next topic. So mind-blowing.

Tomorrow I just have to work and be normal, and also it won’t be raining so it’ll be harder to stroll around easily. Also we have eaten all of the cookies Penny McDougall-Di Giovanni gave me for my birthday (they were so good omg!) But there are chocolates left, and also memories of everyone’s kindness this weekend, and so I think I’ll be ok.

Day 46: Something that comforts me in isolation is that sometimes when I’m working in my office, I can hear Mark and Evan talking. Evan has long understood what communication is, and if you speak to him, he generally answers, though he does eventually get frustrated that his meaning isn’t being taken (for those a bit late to the party, Evan is a cat). Hearing them chatting makes me feel like the apartment is more social. It also makes me realize, though I would not have thought to ask about it in my dating life, that I could never have been happy with a partner that’s above talking to animals. Cats are people too!

(2) I do not admire Doug Ford and, while I think C-19 has been generally well-handled in Ontario and Ford has generally made good decisions about this one thing, it is way too easy to rhyme off countless exceptions. And of course, we were starting from a place of lack in medical and educational resources, in minimum-wage and workplace protections for all kinds of workers due to bad decisions Ford has made in the past. I’m glad he’s mainly doing to right things now, but I don’t like him and I’m not going to start. I do like this video though.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDLoqaET2Xg&fbclid=IwAR3ey0pb1lfaTTL9ywU8uCJCtrqhml71kVaKYvG9D-MvRpHemVAWFOh417o

(3) Everyone has a small ball of safety pins, paper clips & thumbtacks that have somehow magnetized & now all stick to each other, which you’ve been carrying from apartment to apartment for 20 years and will probably be buried with you, right? This is just a fact of adult life…?

Day 47: All this time, I’ve neglected to mention that the main way I’ve been staying up-to-date on the pandemic in Toronto proper is by reading the daily updates from my city Councillor, Kristyn Wong-Tam. This is a lot more local information than I’ve ever digested before, but Councillor Wong-Tam’s insightful, positive but not treacly emails are really helpful to me and don’t leave me feeling panicked like some other sources of information do. So lucky to live in Ward 13! Anyway, reading yesterday’s update, I learned that through her efforts and those of some of her constituents, campaigns for increased pedestrian space have led to the CurbTO program, which I have not heard mentioned anywhere else. There were a few pilot sites listed in the email, including a couple I can walk to, so I’m planning to go see after work. Honestly, it sounds like a pretty paltry measure compared to what is actually needed, which is some full street closures so we could actually take a walk in our neighbourhood…but we’ll see.

If you’ve been to a CurbTO site and have reports, please let me know! The program is supposed to roll out to more than 100 sites eventually so even though I have doubts, I remain hopeful. Something is better than nothing!

Day 48: I made #dalgonacoffee just like everyone else. For the love of god like the photo—that’s what it’s for! Actually it’s pretty good, plus new and different and easy, my three favourite things right now. Would recommend if you like coffee (don’t be fooled by the floof, it mainly just tastes like coffee). #pandemic #coffee

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Day 48: Today I saw from a distance two people getting out of a cab and dropping a bunch of things onto the sidewalk. As I walked closer, I watched them pick up most of their stuff but I distinctly saw a small flat object get kicked away by accident. I promised myself I would check what it was as I walked by and only speak to them if I absolutely had to, though I am constantly dying to speak to everyone and no one else really wants to have conversations with strangers at this point in history. As I skirted past them, I saw that it was a bank card so I had the unmitigated pleasure of saying, “Hey, man, your debit card!” while pointing at the ground, and getting smiled at and thanked in return–the guy even made eye contact.

Today was a fairly lousy day but that happened, so–something.

Day 49:

I very rarely make a blanket recommendation to my friendslist to spend money on anything–who am I to assume anyone has any cash to spare or what they’d like to do with it if they did. But OMG my Slate+ subscription, which is like $35USD a year and which I have exclusively for bonus Dear Prudence content from Daniel M. Lavery and sometimes Nicole Cliffe now that The Toast is dead–the most worth it! Sometimes Danny and Nicole have a bonus discussion via text about an especially thorny letter and somehow the slightly asynchronous nature of the texting makes their already great dialogue into solid gold. An excerpt, free of charge:

Daniel Lavery: I know there are plenty of gross behaviors that everyone has

I don’t want to try to pretend to be above grossness

Nicole Cliffe: WE ARE ALL VILE

Daniel Lavery: and I know living with other people means, you know, putting up with inconvenience

Nicole Cliffe: but in SECRET

Daniel Lavery: but there HAS to be a line!!!

Nicole Cliffe: WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY

(2) A car alarm has been going off all day. It’s pretty far–like I can hear it clearly, but I can drown it out with music or whatever too–but many people must be closer. I can’t imagine what they are doing? It stops for a little while periodically (like just now) but then starts back up again). I hate it so much and, again, I’m not the worst affected. Oh there it is again!