April 9th, 2020

Pandemic Diary II: March 21-28

Day 9 of the Great Loneliness and the Sampsonblums have left Saint James Town. It was amazing! We booked a car share for @neverlizzy ‘s birthday party, now of course wisely cancelled, but we hung onto the car booking and drove around looking for some different things to look at and now I feel so much better. Happy birthday Liz—we celebrate you from afar and someday from a close (shots from North Gwillimbury and Beaverton, and yes we disinfected the car when we got in and when we got out, brought a picnic, talked to no one, etc., etc) #leavingtown #adventure #anywherebuthere

Day 10 of external monologue (ht Anne-Michelle Tessier): just brought my lunch from the kitchen to my desk, forgot a fork, not going back.

This is from yesterday:

Mark Sampson (making dinner): So Kenny Rogers died.
RR (washing dishes): Oh no–of what?
MS: Old age. Nothing to do with Covid-19.
RR: How old?
MS: 81, I think.
RR: Well, ok. I wish he’d been older.
(long, long silence)
RR: I think we should each prepare three topics to discuss at dinner.
MS: What? Really?
RR: I’m worried I already used up all my organic conversation earlier in the day.
MS: Um…
RR: You can make the death of Kenny Loggins one of your things, if you want.
MS: It was Kenny Rogers.
RR: Oh.
MS: …
RR: Well, how is Kenny Loggins then?
MS: I don’t know, I’m not on top of that.
RR: …
MS: Why don’t you google it?
RR (googles, triumphant) Still alive!
MS: Hooray!
RR: Oh, man, remember “Return to Pooh Corner”?
MS: No.
RR: It was a good song. Oh, and “Danger Zone.”
MS: I remember “Danger Zone.”
RR: And of course the real classic…
MS: Which is what? I don’t remember?
RR: I think you will… (clicks on the song, turns up phone speakers)
MS (listens intently) Footloose!!!
(All humans dance, Alice flattens her ears back)
RR: This was my finest malapropism ever!

(we wound up watching Brooklyn 99 over dinner)

Day 11 of The Isolation and we have entered The Noisy Period, as my building is testing the fire alarm all day today, Wednesday and Friday because they are monsters (Mark Sampson suggested it’s because they want us to be safe from fire, but I yelled at him until he agreed that it’s because they are monsters). This has only been going on for 30 minutes and I’ve already taped a pillow over the speaker, which is helping way less than you’d expect.

I’m terrible with loud noises and this is probably not going to go well. Expect rage around midday and despair ~2pm (all times approximate).

In non-noisy news, we gave up on dinner table conversation last night and just started performing Waiting for Godot, passing the book back and forth as we ate. I am Estragon.

Day 12 of My Yoga Pants Life: Ben Rosenblum taught my mother to Skype and it is such a gift. Life keeps moving. We broke a glass at Brandon McFarlane and Hilary June Hart‘s video cocktail party last week (wild night) and elder cat has gotten very good at finding shards of broken glass that escaped cleanup and bringing them to my attention. I am tired all the time despite doing less than I have ever done, day to day, in my adult life. Also realizing if I can’t catch up on the New Yorker now, I never will. Sadness.

(2)

and Mark Sampson eat lunch together.

MS: Do you want an apple or a pear?
RR: Pear, please.
MS (goes to fridge, takes out one apple and one pear, washes and dries both, comes back to table, hands RR the apple, takes a bite of the pear)
RR: …
MS: Oh, sorry, this is for you. (hands RR the pear, minus one bite)
RR: Marriage. (resignedly starts to eat pear) I should get going if I want to take a walk and get some stuff done before my meeting at 2.
MS: Ah. And what time is your meeting?
RR: …
MS: Did you say?
RR: …
MS: Is it at 2?
RR: Sometimes I wish we had a court stenographer.
MS: That just came with the marriage?
RR: Tell me you’ve never wished that.
MS: Of course!
RR: The dialogue literally went “…my meeting at 2. What time is your meeting?”
MS: It was the “at 2” part that I missed.
RR: But HOW?
MS: I don’t know. I really wish I did, but I don’t.

(3) The upstairs singers are back–or are they? This is all suspiciously on-key! Sounds great, ceiling friends–keep it up!

(4) I know I’ve already posted 1000 times today but: Presto is letting folks cancel their annual passes until Friday with no penalty. I love having an annual pass because I’m such a heavy TTC user that it’s worth the money and allows me to dodge 99% of the drama that Presto has brought to the system, but I basically wasted $100 in March because I stopped going places after the first 11 days so, argh, I cancelled. Hoping I can reinstate in May. FYI to others in my situation who may not have seen the message!

Day 13 of being very sad and worried all the time. What are you all doing with your time in isolation, I wonder? I talk mainly about single little moments but here is where the bulk of my pandemic time is actually going–what about you?

1) My job, which is very portable, so more or less from 9 to 5 daily I sit at my desk and try to get things done. Focus and internet connection speed are not what they were at the office, but thank goodness this is not a super-busy time.

2) Cooking: I had all these projects I thought I’d do “if I had the time” and I’ve basically done none of them…except cooking projects. I made enchiladas where you soak the beans and then cook the beans and then make the enchiladas–two days; I made bread–four days; I made a potato cake and risotto… We’re trying to be really careful with groceries and not buy too much, so I tell myself I’m helping by stretching food to the max.

3) I repotted some plants and did some US tax docs at the very beginning of the period, before my resolve went to hell.

4) Talking to everyone! The best thing about this isolation is that I actually talk to my friends every day and that is glorious. Man there is a lot of software available if you want to talk to people virtually–so far using Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Whatsapp, Signal, email, iMessage, Mattermost, Zoom, BlueJeans, Skype, FaceTime, HouseParty, and the actual phone, but hey, if you’d like to talk to me and only want to do it using YOUR special software, I will download it–hmu!

5) Marriage: I think Mark will be relieved when he’s not the only human I see in a day, but so far we aren’t driving each other TOO crazy. But I do have a lot attention to really focus on him. The other day he had a mystery scratch on his stomach and i pondered that for ages. Ages!

6) Yeah, I’m still writing a novel…kinda. I’m also reading books and magazines, but very slowly. It’s so hard to concentrate, especially when I genuinely have to concentrate on work for much of the day. I do get things done, a tiny bit, ish. Even TV is a challenge.

7) Going for walks: I live in one of the highest population density areas in Canada, so this is challenging, but I do try to get out every day and walk gingerly around people for half an hour or so. It’s good to see the sky. Sometimes I walk to my mom’s place and wave at her!

8) Online workouts–some are fun, some are too hard, none of them are really suited to being done in the space I have, but I try!

9) Picking up my cats and cuddling them until they bite. No explanation needed.

Day 14 of the most unusual times. I went to a park last night since I heard they are closing. People seemed to mainly keep to themselves and I walked on the mud a few times to avoid others on the path, but then a little dog came running up to me. It was very cute and I like dogs, plus I know they can’t transmit Covid since I researched it for my cats, but I waved him off out of standard social-distancing instincts. Then a little girl, about 5, came up behind him and said, “Don’t worry, he’s friendly,” and seemed ready to engage with me and I just–fled. Poor kid, I didn’t know what to do if she didn’t know not to come near me. “I like dogs too, thank you,” I yelled over my shoulder as I ran away.

So I totally get why they are closing the parks for the greater good, but it’s a big blow. The virus times are making me think a lot about how I count on a lot of common resources in the community, and when the going gets tough, those go away, and we are basically left with what is our own. I’ve made certain decisions in my life with an idea that my own personal space and possessions will be limited but I will be able to share and enjoy the whole vast city–libraries, parks, museums, concerts, community centres. Restaurants, bars, movie theatres, etc. I mean, I know no one has access to these things and everyone is struggling, but I just…really wish I had a yard. I was very sad in the park yesterday, thinking spring is going to come and I don’t know when I’ll get to walk on grass.

And I know I have so many friends who would invite me to their yards if they could but they can’t, just like I have been making all this food and wishing I could share it but it isn’t safe, and all these basic kind human instincts aren’t working right now. I’m just finding the Covid-19 period sort of…neoliberal, in some ways. This is the first time I’ve cried in this whole period, about the dumb grass, and I get that I’m very lucky, but telling myself I’m lucky not to be in serious trouble is really not holding much water today.

Day 15 of the feline life. I have the afternoon off today, had intended to hang out with my mom and/or get a massage. Instead i will be vacationing in my living room. Cats got a new cardboard box yesterday and are content. Mark has installed Canopy on the Apple TV so we can watch a documentary on the guy who created Calvin and Hobbes–we had a short fight about what his name is and I’m not going to google so I can continue to be right about everything in my mind, but that guy–tonight. I am listening to The Cars a lot, ever since David Frum tweeted a video of his daughter dancing to them. Sort of cheering. Very excited for virtual lunch with coworkers!

Car share is suspended, parks are closed, socializing forbidden, so this weekend we walk to the lake. And when we get there…sit on the sidewalk to eat our sandwiches, and then look for a place to pee, I guess. And then walk home. This is honestly the BEST I can come up with. Do you folks have plans?

Does anyone remember a Joe Ollmann comic that begins, “I’m wandering in the cemetery again, drunk as a lord”? It has black swans in it and I kept the clipping for probably 20 years but it’s lost now and I miss it. Anyway, there’s no parks now, so we wander in the cemetery now (sober) and it’s pretty dark, but interesting. Day 16 of whatever period this is. #cartoon #cemetary #darktimes @ Toronto, Ontario