April 14th, 2010

Stuff to be sad about

In case you didn’t take my point yesterday, my problems are totally lame and largely of my own making. Doesn’t really cheer *me* up to think that, but might cheer you, concerned friends, to know that I have not been stabbed, shot, hit by a car, infected with anything, fired, dumped, or insulted. I’m merely having a loserish week (and it’s only Wednesday). To whit, here are some things that, if you do not have enough problems, you may wish to be sad about with me:

1) Not yet having the new lists issue of The New Quarterly (for which this list is a poor substitute).
2) Combination skin.
3) Was working on a new story for several weeks, put it on hold to work on something else, and upon returning to the project, can no longer remember what the hell I was planning to do with it.
4) Dressing not on the side, as requested.
5) Amy moving away. Sadness not improved by opportunity to buy her stuff since I don’t need any stuff (but maybe you do?)
6) Still cannot find crystal lightning bolt earrings (has been six years, but every now and then I re-open the mourning).
7) Russell Smith launch on same night as Guy Gavriel Kay launch; RR not cloneable.
8) Hardcover books hurt my tiny mouse hands.
9) Weekend kitten visit apparently cancelled.
10) While catastrophic affects of doing large part of a project backwards have been averted (by frantically redoing all the work), am terrified someone is going to ask be why I did it backwards…and I won’t know the answer.
11) Now worried that listing bad things that have not happened to me (see above) will tempt fates.
12) Tax season.

To balance things out…good stuff:

1) TNQ will likely come soon.
2) Guy Gavriel Kay launch with Scott and co will be super-awesome (and perhaps afford an opportunity to eat in a food court, one of my favourite forms of dining).
3) Weekend bowling still on.
4) Finished 3rd draft of another story (the one that distracted me form #3, above) and sent it away.
5) People keep giving me free lipsticks. I counted this morning (what? you have your hobbies and I have mine) and discovered I have seven lipsticks, despite the fact that I have not paid money for one since the year 2000.
6) Have a blog to complain to.
7) Sparkly sunrise this morning.
8) Nice friends.
9) Mother some sort of tax genius.
10) Am wearing sockettes with gold trim, as purchased on my whirlwind trip last May.
11) Spring.

Posted in Me, Snark | 3 Comments »

April 13th, 2010

Transcribing The Stills

Oh my god, everything sucks. Not really; it’s pretty much limited to first-world problems around here, but morale is low. And what boosts morale faster than transcribing the lyrics of popular music? Transcribing the lyrics of angry popular music (note to anyone baffled by the above: I occasionally enjoy writing down the lyrics of a song I like while I listen to it. It forces me to really examine each word; a song that I still love after I’ve done this is lyrically unimpeachable).

I started with Destoyer, but in the end I didn’t want to post the whole song because when you *do* think a lot about the lyrics, some of them sound pretty psychotic. So I’ll just post the best verse, and suggest that you watch the video above and not overthink the lyrics, because it’s pretty catchy, and also I used to live next door to where the video was filmed.

And arrows are pointed
And the archers delighted
Oh the thrill oh the smell
The shit I’ve been put through
Let angels to no one [I think I have that line wrong, but the principles of the game preclude looking it up]
Well I hate you and your blood
So don’t make a goddamn sound
Well I’m comin’ well I’m comin’
To your town

I ended up doing The Stills’ “In the Beginning” which is vaguer but still wrathful. Also, I can’t find a good video for this, but you can hear it off their CBC3 page.

This story ends in bloodshed
The face I love
The city I’m from
Well the persons I’ve met
The persons I’ve let down
But our hero never turns around

It’s nice to see you’re moving on
I know hard to carry on
And it’s just never what it was
Oh in the beginning
In! the beginning!

And how did this start
And when did we begin
In a ball of fire and stars and soot [I think I have that line wrong]
And that brings me here now
Well my heart’s caving in
A tornado whips it round the poles
And it’s –rainin’

Oh!

It’s nice to see you’re movin’ on
I know it’s hard to carry on
And it’s never what it was
Was in the beginning
Well in! the beginning!

[bridge]

In a ball of fire
In a ball of fire
[do do do do do]
In a ball of…
[do do do do do]

Anyway, in case you didn’t pick it up, I totally love The Stills, and I feel their stoic deadpan guitar-fuelled rage is exactly in keeping with my own. Hope this has been a good pitch for them–you don’t even have to listen to their music exclusively when you’re angry!

Posted in Me, Music | No Comments »

April 8th, 2010

Slackers and singles

Final set of votes on weird word variations are in–I’ll add mine in now and also the reason I’ve asked the questions. These were a bit more pointed than the others, I guess.

1) What is the piece of furniture you put your folded-up clothes into?

5 said “dresser,” 2 “chest of drawers,” and no one said “bureau.” I say “dresser,” too–I just thought everyone else said bureau and I was in the minority. I guess I just have a complex. Actually, this question was not particularly pointed.

2) What did you call the badass kids at your high school that just hung out smoking all day and never seemed to go inside the school?

1 for “stoner,” 1 for “slacker,” 1 for “kids in the smoke pit” and 2 didn’t even have a name for this. No one said the term that was common at my school, which was “skids.” I know, not very nice, and yet somehow clever because it sounds like “kids” only more messed up. I thought this was a local term, but I heard a Toronto girl use it the other day and thought maybe it was everywhere. But no?

3) And a reversed question: how do you define the word “single” as related to romantic relationships (as opposed to ice-cream cones or whathaveyou)? All 4 of the voters, plus me, define the term as some variation on “not in a relationship of any committed nature,” Mark even going so far as to say, “Not to be confused with unmarried.” But that’s synchronicity is perhaps because all the voters are in approximately the same age range–I think I have found a generation discrepancy!

It all started a few weeks ago, when I read Sex and the Single Girl, which is, FYI, a really fun read, and slightly shocking both in showing how much things have changed (women were assumed to derive little fulfillment from work, not to be able to travel alone, and to want to kill themselves if they weren’t married by 25) and how much they haven’t (women who live alone are still regularly asked, “And do you really even bother to cook when it’s just…you?” Correct answer: “No, I just get canned goods. I find if I just tip the can over my upturned mouth while standing on a piece of newspaper, there’s almost no cleanup. More time for weeping!”)

Then, about two weeks after I read it, I realized, that book wasn’t about “single” girls at all. It was about girls in long- and short-term relationships with men they weren’t married to. When I brought this issue to my mother, she said yes, that the single women were the unmarried ones, at least to her generation. So apparently I am single in that conception of the word, which is not likely to play very well within my non-legally-binding but certainly real relationship. Ahem.

So now we know–words are slippery, and will betray us at the slightest variant definition. This has been a most fascinating exercise, bloggy friends. Thank you for playing along.

Posted in Me, Words | 6 Comments »

March 30th, 2010

Survey says

Well, as usual, y’all are fascinating. I had about 16 people answer these questions, so let us remember that these findings are in no way scientific, especially since some of the answers don’t add up since people gave more than one response (both equally valid if they say them both, says I!) But fascinating, absolutely. I’ll run through the answers and in doing so give you mine–I think then you’ll see why I’m asking these questions in the first place.

1) You have a car, your friend does not, you are both going to the same place, and you would like to be helpful–what do you say to him/her?

13 people offered some variation on “Would you like a ride?” while only 3 mentioned what I usually say, which is “Would you like a lift?” (actually, what I really say is, “Could you give me a lift?” since I don’t have a car). I always felt I’d gotten the lift thing wrong, because what’s common in my little town is “Would you like a drive?” I thought maybe it was a rural thing, but in the survey, the lone respondent who used it was an urban Maritimer, so who knows?

2) What is that piece of terry you use to clean yourself in the shower/bath called? (although if Salinger can’t solve this one, maybe I can’t either)

Washcloth got 10 votes, beating out facecloth, which got only 6. I am thrilled–I am a washclother who thought she was outnumbered, but I was wrong! I am disappointed not to see washrag appearing in the survey at all; my suspicions that JD Salinger made it up are probably sadly justified.

3) What do you call a number of houses all designed, built and sold by the same company, on a set of streets where only such houses exist?

Housing development got 6 votes, subdivision got 8, and cookie-cutter homes got 2. Seriously? I didn’t know about these until I went to high school in the suburbs, where these are everywhere and people call them surveys–I assumed the surbanites know of which they speak and have called them that ever since. Although it didn’t occur to me until right now that that word must have something to do with the work of a surveyor in laying out the land plots. Interesting! Also interesting to hear from August that these sorts of uniform residental/commerical villages don’t exist where he comes from. I thought the concept, if not the term, was universal!

4) You have left something at your place of employment–express this in a sentence.

Landslide: 14 votes for variations on “I left it at work,” only one for “I left it at the office,” and none at all for my hometown locution, “I left it at my work.” No idea where that possessive comes from, but since “at work” isn’t really grammatical either, I’m not willing to disown it.

5) Long thin beans that you can eat in the pod–what are the green ones called? What are the yellow ones called?

The green ones are relatively straightforward–13 votes for green beans,1 for beans, and 1 for snow peas (which is a different vegetable entirely where I come from).

Some confusion here with the yellow ones, including several people who declined to vote because they hadn’t heard of them or simply refused to discuss them. From those who participated, 2 votes for yellow green beans (which RR dislikes), another single vote for beans, 5 votes for yellow beans (fine), and only one other vote for what the Rosenblum family calls them, which is wax beans. I have no idea why we call them that, and the other vote is from a Franco-Manitoban, who says its definitely not a French thing. So really we’re no further along than we were before. But you sort of knew this survey was a waste of time before we started, now, didn’t you? Really.

6) What do you call the nipple-shaped plastic thing you put in a baby’s mouth to stop him or her from crying?

Pacifier (what I call it) got 6 votes, soother got 10 (and I do think this is more common in Canada). There were also a couple votes for family/nonsense variations, which are sweet.

7) What are your geographical origins that might impact your diction?

People answered from all over, which made me happy just because it was interesting for me! Thanks for participating in my reindeer games!

This survery brought up a few bonus questions in the comment section and in conversations. If you aren’t bored with this project yet, feel free to discuss:

1) What do you call the evening meal? The midday meal? Does that ever change? For what reason?

2) What do you call the garment you wear between the shower and getting dressed?

3) What do you knocking on the door then running away (as a joke, not a failure of nerve)?

4) What do you call catching a ride while on roller skates/blades by hanging onto the back of someone’s car/truck?

Posted in Me, Words | 16 Comments »

March 25th, 2010

Incidents and accidents

1) In class yesterday:

Me, looking over the shoulders of two grade 11 girls as I walk past their desks: Girls, c’mon! I said no phones. (keep walking)

Girl, calling after me: Sorry, miss! We were just–

(I turn to them)

Other girl: Trying to look something up.

(Me internally: Dictionaries live in phones now?)

First girl: Yeah. How do you spell “schizophrenia”?

Me: Oh, well, er– Yeah, fine. Look in your phone.

First girl: Thanks, miss.

Me: You’ve won…

Other girl: Yes, miss.

Me: …this round.

This proves that the reason I refuse to get a cell phone is that I am afraid they are smarter than I am (and I’m probably right, because what I was actually think began with “s-k-” until I realize that was nuts. People think I’m a good speller but I really just own a good [paper] dictionary and sit with it open at my left elbow, which is why I spelled “schizophrenia” correctly above).

2) On the subway, I laughed aloud at something I was reading. What I was reading was Moral Disorder by Margaret Atwood, so it’s not so surprising that I laughed, because it is very funny. But it’s a little surprising because I almost never laugh aloud when alone. I don’t know why, but somehow I think laughing is a communicative act, though semi-involuntary. I like funny movies and go to a fair number on my own (for reasons of necessity brought on by [occasionally] having extremely bad taste–I can’t accept that they would bother to make a movie called Hot Tub Time Machine unless that had something important to say about the subject) and I’ll laugh with the audience in happy solidarity, but not really reading and watching tv alone (from what I remember).

Anyway, but then I did, last night, and it caused the drunk guy behind me to say something obscene to or about me. Which is not exactly positive reinforcement to keep doing it.

3) I was walking down the sidewalk this morning and a truck travelling the opposite way made that “ffffffftttttt” sound that I always associate with air brakes although I actually have no idea what it is. But the truck was still moving along at a good clip, and then I noticed that a little jet of steam/smoke shot out under the *front* bumper in time with the noise. I was staring at this in perplexity when I realized the driver was waving at me in a hey-there-old-friend jaunty manner. I definitely don’t know him. There aren’t a lot of pedestrians in that part of town, perhaps he was just offering solace to an endangered species. Or maybe he was just glad I liked his truck?

Does anyone know what the noise and/or steam mean?

Posted in Me, Random, Reading, Transit | 1 Comment »

March 23rd, 2010

Lookalike

Remember a few weeks ago this meme went around Facebook about how you were supposed to post a picture of the celebrity you look most like? Well, you probably can’t remember, because you have better things to do, but I don’t, and was really amazed at how many of my friends bear a shocking resemblance to people I haven’t heard of (but are famous, and attractive [natch, because I have attractive friends]).

Anyway, I wanted to play, too, but couldn’t, because I don’t look like anybody. Well, I look like my mother, who is a delightful person to look like (it makes me very happy when I introduce her as my mom and people say, “Well, obviously!”) but she is sadly not (yet) famous for anything. So I didn’t to do the meme.

Then, this afternoon, I was at the gym in my ponytail and sweaty t-shirt, trying really hard to do a good clean and jerk (I can do it, too, but I just can’t admit what’s on the barbell) and it came to me! It’s not the comparison I’ve always dreamed of (which is: perhaps someday someone will tell me I look like Winona Ryder in *Heathers*, pretty much my standard of female beauty).

I had to take this picture myself, so I’m not sure it really captures the striking similarities, but I still find it spooky:

Do you see it? Not, like, twins, but some definite correspondences!

Posted in Celebrities, Me, Random | No Comments »

February 19th, 2010

Stress

Dear Blog,

I love you, I miss you, I don’t have time to write in you right now. All I have time for is freaking out about deadlines, and then soothing the freakouts with yoga binds, Jason Derulo, and reading about editors with a little more wisdom of ages than me! Ok, ok, and Wii-lympics (I am unexpectedly good at the Wii figure-skating).

Also, sleeping on the bus. Surprisingly rejuvenating.

I plan to soldier on, steam ahead, tough it out, and other good heartening cliches, and return to my regularly scheduled constant posting within a week–fingers crossed (sleepily).

Posted in Me | No Comments »

January 11th, 2010

Rose-coloured Reviews The Weather Indoors

Thanks to all that provided such kind and useful advice on my indoor-weather predicament. I have to point out that, while I do doubt that my building-provided thermometer is accurate, it does say that the Rose-coloured Ranch is only a degree or two lower than the legal minimum of 21 C, and for a mysterious shining moment when I was not there but the building manager was, actually above it.

I’m pretty sure it’s colder than that–I am not *such* a whiner. But reading the stories in the comments section and hearing them from other friends reminds me that I am *kind of* a whiner. My apartment has never been 12 C by any thermometer, I have never been able to see my breath inside, and all my plants are still living. I should count my blessings. So I appreciate both the advice about ovens, showers, and thermometers (which I’ll likely use) and the reminder to buck up.

That said, it *does* seem a little more pleasant at my place now. This could be a morale issue, as I spent a delightful weekend abroad, but I do think it’s warmer. Last night, when I returned home, if I happened to put a foot on the floor with only a sock on (my slippers sometimes fall off) it is not so terribly distressing. Mind you, I still slept rolled like a taquito in a fleece blanket (you wrap yourself standing up, then inch-worm under the normal covers) clutching a teddy bear whose floral-sachet heart can be heated in the microwave for warmth and aroma therapy. But having done all those things, I was quite warm and comfortable.

Perhaps I will be able to move on from this chilly period in my life and I actually post about a book soon. Just in case, I think I’ll bake a cake tonight and leave the oven on a little extra.

Posted in Me, Weather | No Comments »

January 9th, 2010

Better

The promised improvement report: I am feeling a good bit better about the world today, owing in large part to have found somewhere else to sleep last night where I didn’t have to wear a hood to bed. This is not a permanent solution, I know, but I’ll work on one of those next week. It may involve an oil drum; stay tuned.

In keeping with my theme of devastating literature, yesterday I read Joyce Carol Oates’s Where are you going, where have you been? and may never get over it. What she achieves in this story is amazingly harrowing, and then you pull out of the story and feel like you’ve gone so far from reality, but really you haven’t at all. Bizarre, amazing, and not for the timid–you were warned.

Warmly,
RR

Posted in Me, short stories, Weather | No Comments »

January 8th, 2010

Everything is terrible

Examples of everything:

–Building manager’s inspection of my apartment finds that it is not illegally cold. But last night, before bed, teeth were chattering! Mine! Indoors! That should be illegal.
–This morning, my bus rear-ended another bus.
–A tiny but important little bit’o’code on my computer was devoured in the night. Now I can do everything but the thing I need to do right now. (note: this was fixed almost immediately after I wrote about it by a kind colleague, but that’s not the point. The point is what is the universe’s *deal* that it would do that to me?)
–Hot Friday night plans: avalanche of tax forms.

Although everything is, in fact, terrible, that expression is not mine. There is actually a website called Everything Is Terrible (you should have known) filled with alarming/sad/hilarious found footage. I’ve only seen the cat massage video, which I think has been doctored to make it even more disturbing than it was originally (ie., very) but it’s an interesting concept.

I’m just gonna put my head down for a little bit now. Oh, no, wait, I’m going to do this mountain of work.

PS–I will try to post something rose-coloured on the weekend. As soon as this migraine receeds a little.

Posted in Me, Weather, Work | No Comments »

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