November 28th, 2010

Teenage boy behind me on the bus, on cellphone

Hello.

(long silence)

Because it’s Sunday, retard.

(silence)

You thought it was Saturday? You’re kidding right? That’s so funny.

(mean cackling, followed by long silence)

So where did you go to the bathroom, then?
(silence)

The mall is closed but Zellers is open? That’s weird.

(silence)

The mall is closed because it’s Sunday night, remember?? Just wanted to mention to you, tomorrow is Monday, which will be followed by Tuesday…just tryin’ to help you out.

(silence)

You gotta stop eating paint chips, man.

(silence)

Wait, are you in the bathroom right now?

(silence)

That’s weird…(discussion of a hiphop concert that is boring and goes nowhere) Listen, why don’t you call me back when you get outta there? I just feel weird talkin’ to ya while you’re…yeah, ok, goodbye.

(sound of phone snapping shut, followed by more cackling)

4 Responses to “Teenage boy behind me on the bus, on cellphone”

  • Kerry Clare says:

    Is “eating paint chips” an idiom? Or do some people eat them? (Also, I love this. You are the best.)


  • August says:

    Apparently little children used to eat them all the time. That’s what makes lead paint toxic–ingesting it. You don’t eat it, it’s irrelevant.


  • Scott Watson says:

    It’s posts like these that make we want to have very intelligent conversations on the subway. Who knows what blogger might be listening :)


  • Rebecca says:

    Kerry, I believe this was the young man’s way of gently suggesting his friend had brain damage… I’ve heard it once or twice before as an expression–I don’t think anyone eats them intentionally, for a high or something…but there is much I don’t know!


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