September 22nd, 2010

First Drafts Are So Embarrassing (post 1)

I think this is good cathartic feature for me to start, although I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep going or get engulfed in a wave of shame. Anyway, first and possibly only FDASE post:

Was–

Mark suddenly sat up and looked deeply Sanjeet in the eyes. “I’m a good person.”
Sanjeet rubbed the fronts of his thighs uneasily. “Sure.”

Adverb mania!!!

Better:

Mark sat up and looked Sanjeet in the eyes. “I’m a good person.”
Sanjeet rubbed the fronts of his thighs. “Sure.”

2 Responses to “First Drafts Are So Embarrassing (post 1)”

  • AMT says:

    laughing. you are awesome.

    if i posted some before and afters, you would read and think ‘oh, look… the second sentence has a different set of random technical terms i wish i hadn’t been made to read’.


  • Mark says:

    Oh, this could get very, very fun!


  • Leave a Reply

So Much Love by Rebecca Rosenblum

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