April 2nd, 2010

Rose-coloured and Mark review Strawberried Peanut Butter M&Ms

I can’t tell you how much I enjoy doing this series.

RR: Hello and welcome to the 3rd installment of Rose-coloured and Mark review bizarre candies that we find in our travels. Mark has been to America. Mark, would you like to tell us what you have brought back from America?

MS: Sure. I’ve brought back a very special package of M&Ms chocolate candies. These are Strawberried Peanut Butter M&Ms. As if strawberry were a verb.
RR: But it isn’t a verb. In case anyone is learning English from this blog, it’s not a verb.
MS: It’s not a verb. But these are Americans so we’ll forgive them… I think it’s important to describe what’s on this package. We have one of the M&M characters that’s holding a jar of peanut butter in his left hand and a strawberry in his right hand and looking rather mischievous, as he’s about to…dip the strawberry in the peanut butter.
RR: Which wouldn’t be a crime necessarily, but how this could be manifest in M&M form is what we are curious to discover.
MS: Without further ado, I say we bust into this.
[much crinkling noise]
RR: So what I have in my hand is a red M&M, larger than a plain M&M. In fact, I would say the size of a peanut butter M&M. Mark has a brown one. I am going to attempt to bite mine in half in an attempt to see if the peanut butter is blended with the jelly.
MS: I’ll do the same, just for consistency’s sake.
[biting noises; this is a very good tape recorder]
RR: It didn’t work. I got it all in my mouth at the same time. Ok, so it’s a single paste. We’re looking at Mark’s because I failed. Oh my god, it’s so weird. It’s peanut butter, but then you chew for a while, and then it tastes like strawberries. Is that what you’re experiencing?
MS: [laughing] Yes, it’s as if it’s been laced with strawberry.
RR: But it doesn’t look like strawberry. Let us reiterate, it is not red, it is the colour of peanut butter [note of rising hysteria in RR’s voice].
MS: Here, try a brown one. They are very flavourful, though.
RR: I don’t even know if they’re bad, but I’m trying to think so hard and… [chewing] There is no evidence of strawberries! You know, if you ate these fast, you would not even know there is a strawberry aspect to them. It is only by leaving it on my tongue and really thinking, that there’s a hint… Are you experiencing that?
MS: Yes, very much so. I’ve bitten a red one in half and I’m looking at the inside: it’s the red shell, followed by what could only be described as a mantle of chocolate and then a deep core of peanut butter.
RR: And…and…I don’t know where…maybe the strawberry is in the shell! I’m taking this apart. Oh, the yellow has red speckles on it! I am going to gnaw off the shell.
MS: Ok. Rebecca is attempting to gnaw off the shell…in a sort of bunny rabbit fashion.
[sounds of gnawing]
RR: The strawberry is not in the shell. It’s somewhere in the peanut butter that only looks like peanut butter.
MS: It think it is an important time to reiterate that this is peanut butter that has been strawberried.
RR: I guess we thought we knew what that verb meant. We didn’t. [Package crinkle] So this contains the things that one would expect [RR reads ingredient list aloud] You will be shocked to learn: no fruit. So the strawberry, whatever it is, comes under “artificial flavours.”
MS: It is a synthetic strawberry. Which is strange, because I bought this in Florida.
RR: But not at the strawberry farm?
MS: No, at a Walmart [short Walmart discussion–American Walmart sells beer!!]
RR: I just…sucked on one [until it dissolved] and, um, you couldn’t taste the strawberry. Although now that it’s gone–I’ve swallowed it–I can. The problem is, if I knew less, I would think that these are delightful. I love peanut butter M&Ms and these are, for all intents and purposes, peanut butter M&Ms.
MS: They are.
RR: But now that they’ve been analyzed, I don’t know if I can get that kind of joy out of them anymore. I’m afraid that though this is a good candy, it’s been overthought by the producers, and us…
MS: Respectively.
RR: And I cannot endorse it. There is something in there, and it’s hard to discern, and hard to define, and it makes me anxious. I cannot pass this candy even though it is, technically, delicious.
MS: It is technically delicious, yes. A word of advice to our readers: don’t overanalyze this candy; simply eat it. As an M&M, it’s very good. It’s got that nice peanut kick at the end. Just enjoy it for what it is. But if you are hunting for the reason why they’ve used strawberry as a verb, you’re going to drive yourself insane.
RR: I would have to say that my advice would be to buy peanut butter M&Ms.
MS: And if you want some strawberry in there, buy some strawberry jam and put it on the M&Ms.
RR: I think that would be the solution.
MS: Now, that’s weird. Just in this last minute or so, I’ve gotten the sensation of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
RR: When your mouth is empty, right?
MS: Yeah!
RR: Yeah, I don’t know what’s going on there. I’m frightened.
MS: It’s like an aftertaste. It’s somewhat unwholesome, but…it’s there.
RR: I’m troubled. There’s something in them that’s not food that acts on the tongue. Mark is still eating them; I am not eating them anymore.
MS: This will be my last one.
RR: You eat as many as you want. I’m glad that someone is enjoying them. I mean, parts of me are enjoying them. I mean…we had no way of knowing that these candies would not stand up under analysis. They are best eaten in the dark, possibly while drunk.
MS: Drunk at the movies.
RR: So I’m giving them 4, because I cannot pass them. Mark?
MS: I’ll give them a 6.5, but no more.
RR: No more grading or no more eating.
MS: No more than a 6.5. But you’ll also note that I’ve stopped eating them.
RR: We have other candy. We’ll be fine.

One Response to “Rose-coloured and Mark review Strawberried Peanut Butter M&Ms”

  • Bekah says:

    That is hilarious! MM's is trying some strange combinations. Actually many of the candy lines are experimenting.

  • Leave a Reply

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