September 13th, 2009

Rose-coloured (and Mark) Review Twix Java

Because I needed to do a brief test run with the lovely digital recorder that Scott lent me (because of the fear I had that I would get someone to do an hour-long interview and then find I out I’d used the recorder improperly and wasted everyone’s time), I decide to alter the usual Rose-coloured Review format. Below is an actual real-time transcription of a conversation between novelist Mark Sampson and myself as we each consumed half of the Twix Java. Of course, for totally honesty, please note that the conversation was intentionally geared towards a critical review. I can’t speak for Mark, but left to my own devices, a transcription of my comments while eating a chocolate bar would consist of “Hooray for chocolate!” and then the silence of concentrated devouring.

RR: We are now going to sample a Twix Java.

(extremely long period of wrapper crinkle noises, followed by chewing)

MS: It’s definitely a different Twix experience. The cookie on the inside is not your standard Twix cookie.

RR: It’s a chocolate cookie!!

MS: It’s a chocolate cookie. And the caramel, the fudgey caramels stuff on top is quite nice.

RR: I think that’s where the coffee is.

MS: Yes, you can definitely taste the coffee in the caramel. But yeah, it’s three layers of chocolate, as opposed to chocolate, caramel, and then some sort of bland cookie.

RR: I think it was a shortbread before. I haven’t had a real Twix in a long time, which is a problem here. I don’t really have a point of comparison.

(reflective chewing sounds)

RR: Mine’s a little melted. Is yours melted?

MS: It is.

RR: I think that’s not the candy bar’s fault, I think it’s that it was in my bag.

MS: Plus it’s about 22 degrees here [note: circumstances of consumption were sitting beside the music garden on Toronto waterfront on a sunny day. Candy enjoyment might, I suppose, vary under circumstances less idyllic]

MS [reading package]: This is a limited edition chocolate bar.

RR: Yes, so this review might actually be useless because now no one can get it. [Further research indicates this to be true {Twix Java does not appear on the Twix website)}. Sigh, another extremely useful review of something no one can get, courtesy of Rose-coloured. Sorry, guys.]

MS [laughing] It’s a collector’s item that you can eat! [more chewing] Definitely good. How did you come to acquire this?

RR: P. bought it at a store called Almost Perfect. Where they sell seconds of food items.

MS: Well, I would say this is a world-class chocolate bar. The closest thing that I could compare this to is a Turtle…those Turtle chocolates?

RR: But they have nuts in them, right?

MS: Yeah. But the caramel in this is similar to the caramel in a Turtle.

RR: It’s honestly not very coffee-ish. I mean, if no one had told me this was Java Twix, I might not necessarily have picked up on it. It does taste a little like coffee but…but not all that much.

MS: [reading label] It says “coffee caramel and chocolate cookie”… I would give this a solid A minus as a chocolate bar.

[digression to discuss Big Turk, Oh Henry, etc.]

MS: Some chocolate bars you eat and it’s not as substantial. This is about medium.

RR: You only got half of itf…. I’m gonna agree with you, A minus…or maybe even an A, because this is lacking all the things I do not like in a chocolate bar, namely nuts.

MS: Yup, no nuts.

RR: There’s nothing inherently wrong with nuts but candy’s supposed to be candy… I think I’m touchy about nuts, I don’t want them *in* things. If I’m gonna eat a nut I’m gonna eat a nut.


I’m gonna show my scars

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