April 18th, 2008

Reasons While I’ll Never Get Anywhere in Life

–I frequently smell like bubblegum, and occasionally blow an unconscious bubble while someone is talking to me.
–I wear glitter on my birthday so that people will ask me, “Why are you wearing glitter?” so I can tell them “Because it’s my birthday!” and then they will wish me a happy birthday.
–I can’t clap on the beat.
— I don’t absorb news in any way, so I didn’t know anything about the economy being in decline or the looming TTC strike until today.
–Sometimes, I feel like wearing a fedora, and then I wear a fedora.
–I am addicted to aspertame, which is apparently embalming me from the inside while I still live.
–I can’t pronounce the word “origin”.
–I make lists of my flaws instead of dwelling on the positive.
–It doesn’t really bother me to wait.
–When someone walking past me asks how I’m doing, I stop and answer.
–I can’t climb a rope, whistle, shuffle cards, ice-skate, name all 50 states, intimidate anyone, bench-press more than 40 pounds, or find my flashlight, but I can fit my entire hand in my mouth.

Also, due to the newly looming (newly discovered to be looming?) TTC strike, I am now literally not going anywhere, starting Monday. Maybe I’ll be in a better mood by then!

You might be messin round

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So Much Love by Rebecca Rosenblum

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